Checkpoint

The last 2 weeks have been very up and down for me, emotionally and mentally… a lot of it to do with just the tides of this journey internally but also because of the external energies I have been absorbing since sharing my story. The response was overwhelmingly supportive and warm so I decided to create a checkpoint for myself to remind myself when I pretend to forget, why this is important. I am very lucky to have people in my life who encourage my voice and always keep me centered in my truth.

In the words of friends & family…

You wrote with such intimacy and such Love. It’s such a beautiful space already and I know many, many will feel safe. Thank you for giving so much of yourself, I hope you get the light you so beautiful carry

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Not to be dramatic but your words are somewhat lifechanging. I have a somewhat different view now and i can look from the view point of a couple/person struggling to conceive, had never looked at life from that perspective before. It was just stories before..so thank you 🙏🏾

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But you are really brave though to put your story out there. It has been very educational for me personally. Also just the sensitivity of it is something i hadnt really ever given much thought. I have on occasion asked you about it in a rather insenstive way in hindsight again just based on marriage equation #1 – marriage = babies (in a short time frame) – I do apologise for that.

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I guess the assumption of after marriage comes babies. And any sexual relation can result in pregnancy is so deeply ingrained in us. It must be quite hard and lonely when it doesn’t pan out that way. Genuinely wish you all the best in this journey and its so brave how you have shared your journey.

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Can’t stress enough how what you are doing is so amazing and bringing this subject up like this so clear, no hidden agendas and cut throat honestly is amazing . Your experience and your truth can only ever be a lesson and a blessing to the next black girl, black man , mother in law, mother and everyone whose ever found themselves in this situation.
More love and blessings to you Nonsie 🙌🏾.

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Super proud of you that you are breaking cultural barriers and norms and giving a voice to an issue everyone would rather silence. Keep going. You’re in the middle of your story. I think sometimes we want to ‘fix’ people and tell them it will be ok so we don’t have to deal withe real issue. But I think there is a level of compassion and empathy that comes with sharing your story when you’re still in the middle of it all.
I pray for a beautiful ending for you. ❤️

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Hey hun, saw your insta post this morning and it really touched me. You’re so brave for talking about this and I’m so proud of you. Thinking of you while you are on this journey and I hope and pray God fulfils the desires of your heart because truly, you deserve all the goodness life has to offer. I know you’ve heard it all and I cannot imagine what you have been/going through… just wanted you to know that I care for you 😘

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Hi honey, I am incredibly proud of you! The courage to share your truth will also inspire and empower even more. I love you and sincerely hope that this journey takes you to the place that you want to go. So proud of you 😘😘😘

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Thank you for having the courage to share your story….and in the process, helping and supporting others going through a similar journey. 💞

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I think this is fab! Definitely agree more people need to talk about this as there’s so many people that struggle and it ends up affecting mental health because they’re frightened to talk about it. Looking forward to reading your journey. My offer still stands from WhatsApp if you need to pick my brain on the little I know from friends experiences. Xx

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Loved reading your story. My sister had a baby last year after struggling to conceive and she’s also started a resource for couples that decide to have IVF. Thanks for adding to an area that is almost always discussed in shame❤️

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Hello dear , l love the un-fertility you have started , l know so many of my friends who are experiencing and have noone to talk to and the other day l actually mentioned it wondering why there isn’t support for black /African women . Thank you this will help many

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You are amazing to me! Sending you cuddles and love as you use your authentic voice to bring awareness to infertility.

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This is power and love and strength to you for doing this as much for others as it is for yourself ♥️

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Hey sweetheart! Power to you ✊🏽 We need more conversations!

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I’m so proud of you. Not much more I can say but that. As someone who has had miscarriages, alot of what you said resonated with my spirit. Well done on bringing this to light.

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I just read your blog. Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing your truth and not conforming to this society of hiding things and pretending/presenting that all is well on the gram! somebody definitely needed to hear that. My heart goes out to you and B. All things will work out for the good. Keep trusting the process and the faith! Lots of love

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It’s interesting that there’s this big dialogue around when you’re single and looking for someone to settle down with. That’s struggle enough in this day and age. Then dealing with the norms of a relationship/ marriage and all the multicultural bits. And if you get past that stage there’s the starting a family and all that comes with it. There’s a lot of unpacking to be done especially with all the expectations placed on people all the way through. You definitely did, I think there’s a humility in saying this is my story and my experience and I am learning and growing through this. That’s what I took from it, you are addressing really big cultural and societal constructs but from your perspective. That’s really powerful, only you can tell your story.

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Hey baby girl. Just listened to the post on unconventional infertility. You make me so proud by putting it out there cause it is a subject not spoken about. You are a heroine and at the right time you and B will be parents. Thank you for sharing your story 💕

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Oh my little sis that was so so brave of you to open yourself up like that and be vulnerable about something so taboo in our culture as black people to talk about openly as if there is something wrong that you doing as a woman to bring that upon yourself.

You are so well informed and you on the right track with going to see your doctor and addressing your concerns. I know when you waiting for something, or praying for something, the longer it takes the harder it becomes to remain hopeful and you start entertaining thoughts that maybe it’s never going to happen for you.

But it really is, your doctor is right, there are things you can do! There are testimonies after testimony of women who went through the same thing and some by changing their eating habits and making lifestyle changes eventually had babies.

Everyone’s journey is different, you and B are at the start of yours! You going to be parents and your narrative is going to change from a story to a testimony!! Keep the hope alive, you definitely not alone, we all here for you, whatever you need!! I love you😘😘

Womb Matter

Image result for womb duvet days

Maybe this is just me but I had to do a lot of learning first, about my body, my cycle, the science etc before I felt empowered about #tryingtoconceive

I do believe that being informed is an individual responsibility however, there are SO many misconceptions out there and just general misinformation. I remember showing my husband a video of how&when conception occurs and he was so wowed by it and I realised then the importance of KNOWING. My body, my cycle, observing the regular and not so regular symptoms, just a general knowing of mine & my husband’s fertility/health. While we haven’t been successful yet, we have learnt SO much and on most days feel empowered about our efforts. This personally helps me keep my head above the water and keeps me from biting people’s heads off when they say insensitive things because I KNOW that I am doing what I physically can, the rest is up to fate/nature/science/God or whatever you believe in.

You are not broken

Image result for you are not broken goodchivesonly

I do feel that the language and connotations surrounding “infertility” are disempowering. A lot of it is because people are incredibly ill-informed about the definition and experience of infertility. Because of all that, while I am unapologetic and unashamed about my experience, I still struggle with the word INfertility – because I feel in people’s attitudes, it immediately excludes you from even the mere possibility of motherhood.

Anyway, this is how #un_fertility was born. I want to emphasize that our experience of fertility is unconventional but not impossible.

AND we are not broken.